When a Mormon prays

When we pray, the message travels to the planet Kolob, where God, his wives, Jesus (Yahweh) and his wives, and a veritable zoo of celestial beings live. Mormon missionaries teach that Kolob is not in our Milky Way galaxy, but in another one, far, far away.

To consider prayer, a form of celestial communication, we must digress gently to the subject of particle physics. The reason for this will become clear, as it became clear to Alfred H. Schwindler, some years after A. Einstein formulated his famous formula. (Schwindler incidentally, a German of Austrian parentage, died in 1955 at Zürich. He was an active (devout) convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormon). He received the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1932 for his discovery of the tachyon, a special kind of subatomic particle.)

Einstein’s formula, Schwindler showed, can be re-stated in such a way as to allow for the possibility of message speeds faster than the speed of light. The mass term, the "m" in E=mc^2, could be mathematically inverted, Schwindler realized. This led him to the amazing discovery of the tachyon.

As we know, light can travel at any speed slower and up to the speed of light, 300,000 km/sec. This is because the carrier of the light-force, the photon, or ‘energy’, weighs nothing. The universe is structured so. Things that weigh nothing are allowed to go the maximum speed limit: the speed of light. Things that weigh something, like a rocket, or a proton, or a police decoy, cannot go the speed of light because they all weigh something.

Protons and such particles are regularly accelerated to near light speeds in science laboratories. But speed costs. The nearer the speed of light is achieved by a particle the heavier it gets, and the more energy is needed to make it go a bit faster. Proton particles whizzing around science labs require a power plant suitable for a medium-sized city. And the ‘labs’ have to be huge: Today, the rings that house these circulating protons are miles in diameter. Really large such experiments can only be funded by cooperating nation-states, such as is currently done in Europe.

So, to make things go as fast as light you need a lot of energy. Prayer cannot work this way -- nobody is attached to a gigawatt power plant when they pray, Mormons missionaries are fond of explaining.

Enter Schwindler with his tachyon theory.

The subatomic particles that Schwindler discovered possess negative weight -- they, in effect weigh less than nothing. Thus, by Einstein’s formula, they can go faster than light. In fact they can travel infinitely fast. The only speed limit that Schwindler found for tachyons is that, as for light, the 300,000 km/sec speed limit is a limit, too: tachyons cannot slow down to the speed of light. And to slow them down requires ever increasing increments of negative energy, just as it takes more and more positive energy to accelerate ordinary matter. To make them go faster, by Schwindler's formula, this requires less and less energy! It's amazing, but true.

Perhaps this is why prayer is said best in a state of relaxation, or meditation. Jesus advised to...

Things that have weight cannot exceed the speed of light, but can go any speed slower. Tachyons which possess negative weight, always travel very very fast, indeed, but cannot slow down to speed of light or go at a snail’s pace.

Einstein in late life admitted that not seeing this relation, (which he dubbed the Cosmological Constant) was the greatest mistake of his life.

So, knowing of tachyons, and how they are generated by the human brain during meditation and prayer, shows how it’s possible to communicate very quickly with God on Kolob.

If it were not for Schwindler’s Nobel Prize winning discovery of tachyons, it would be extremely difficult to understand how one could communicate with anyone in another galaxy or even on a nearby star, and receive an answer in a human life time. That’s because even at the speed of light, it takes an enormous amount of time for the message to make the round trip. Of course in the case of prayer to an all-knowing god this may be a different matter. God could simply know ahead of time what you were about to pray for, and have timed the reply, say two hundred thousand years ago, so that it would arrive after you issued the prayer. It seems that such a scheme would disconnect us from the idea of free will. We might, on the spur of the moment not pray, for example, but still get an answer to a prayer that we never prayed. Such paradoxes and many others would arise which seem futile to entertain. The tachyon must be the vehicle God crafted for inter-stellar communication.

Like the neutrino detectors used for detecting particles which can burrow through the cores of stars 300 light years away and then go on to zip through our planet as if it were butter, very few tachyons, indeed, can be detected. Future generations might one day capture sufficient tachyons to tune in to the prayers of us mortals, and to the thoughts of God , but for now we will have to communicate the old fashioned way. Our Father who art in heaven...

..and Other Aliens

(The foregoing is The Inspired Version.)

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