See also:  ATHEISM  MORMONISM

In support of recent edicts by Southern Baptist and by Mormon primates -- that women should "submit to their husbands" -- we have acquired an inventory of beginning B&D supplies for the religious couple eager to explore the righteous ways of wife domination. 1) Starter kit: leather masks with zippers and cat 'o nine tails. The masks are clearly emblazoned with Fish symbols on the forehead area. 2) Nipple Clamps of the Holy Trinity: Three brass nipple clamps held together with golden chains of appropriate length, allowing the masterful husband many options in attaching the third "Holy Spirit" clamp. 3) Mary Magdalene's Leather Pants: The "cheekless" design allows full access to spanking surfaces when the wife is in her proper penitent, kneeling position. 4) Wrath of God: a 12-foot bullwhip of black cowhide on a Communion chalice handle for putting the fear of God into wives who have strayed (e.g., thinking for themselves or having an opinion -- with no regard for the damage this causes the family). 5) The Rack of St. Stephen: Sturdy construction with heavy, fur-lined wrist and ankle restraints.  Can be spun upside down for the St. Paul variant. 6) The Archangel: Large punishment phallus of sufficient diameter and length to make any wayward wife admit her heretical ways and beg forgiveness. 7) The Judas Wand: A handsome vibrator that works well for five minutes then shuts down automatically, leaving the wife more dependent than ever on her Master. 8) Riding Crop of the Pharisees: Teach your wife the ways of the Lord with this sturdy handcrafted riding crop. 9) Anointment: a thick, non-toxic balm scented with myrrh and frankincense.  Perfect for easing the pain of heavily welted skin. 10) The Split AssUnder: An extra thick Large punishment phallus (Twice as thick as the huge The Archangel phallus) on which to impale your bride hard and deep  -- to remind her of the pain of childbirth and of the pain of original sin. H.L. Mencken:  Where is the graveyard of dead gods? A Natural History of Rape : Biological Bases of Sexual Coercion Ken's Guide to the Bible "The world's most complete compendium of the Bible's most embarrassing passages.  With hammerhead precision and pig-iron wit, this compact volume lays bare all the sex, gore and lunacy that the Bible has to offer."  by Ken Smith

Credit and inspiration for this page: Brother Jim at the mighty Smallworks in Austin, Texas